I apply.

I hereby submit my application to become the absolute dictator of the United States. I shall do away with congress as we know it and make it more like jury duty than a golden goose. 

I shall make the laws and taxes apply equally to everyone, and require the tax money collected in this country be used for the betterment of the citizens of THIS country.

I shall require that schools provide a useful and complete education. People who do not – or cannot – keep up with the median student will be sent to the military or to jobs they can do.

Women will own their own bodies and will have access to family planning and such medications as they need to follow their choice of careers without being required to be baby bakeries – that is to say that they will not be DENIED any product or service they, or their physician chooses. Rape victims automatically get the 'morning after' pill and an abortion if that doesn't work. But welfare mothers get their tubes tied if they show up pregnant while on welfare. Serial rapists, murderers, violent criminals, child molesters and Wall street executives have no regard for society, so forgiveness and rehabilitation doesn't apply to them. Drown your kids, or rape and murder someone and you swing. From good, Texas hemp rope wich will be legal again.

Prisons will not continue to be a for-profit enterprise. We have too many people in prison for nothing and too many criminals walking free. We need to straighten that out. Any drug will be available over-the-counter. If you abuse or mis-use it, you pay your medical bills for that abuse or you don't get any medical care. Lung cancer from smoking would not qualify for medical insurance. Obesity would as long as you caught and corrected the problem before it became debilitating. Accidents happen. Stupidity doesn't. going to the hospital with something stuck in your butt that didn't grow there would be expensive for you.

Everyone can make a fair profit. That's how business works. No one can make an obscene profit. That's wrong and criminal one way or another. We don't need billionaires, but everyone could be a millionaire if the system worked fairly. If a bank stole your house, they can give it back, even if they do go belly-up. Screw them and their robo-signing ways.

We have too many laws now and none of them are enforced fairly. The things we NEED are being regulated out of existence. That would stop on day one.  Everyone will be required to serve in the military long enough to learn how to use a firearm safely and efficiently, learn about the real world, do at least one good thing, learn advanced first ais and how to camp and survive a week in both a desert and a wet, rainy jungle.  Basically that means they will learn teamwork, self sufficiency, discipline and personal responsibility.  When they get out, they will be given their issue firearm and be required to keep it and be responsible for the defense of their family. As long as you qualify with that weapon every year (free ammo will be provided) and teach your kids to be safe with firearms, you will get free insurance for life. If you commit a crime with that firearm, and survive, you will be taken out back and shot after a fair trial.  Fair trials don't involve lawyers.  They involve fair judges and honest witnesses.  The witnesses who lie, and are caught at it, go out back with you.  Self defense is an absolute argument.  If you didn't start the problem but you finished it, then there is no more problem – and you commited no crime.

The military is spending TRILLIONS of dollars gearing up for the NEXT war. Do you know why we have 5,000 nuclear weapons locked and loaded and another 10,000 that could be refurbished? SO THERE WON'T ~BE~ A NEXT WAR! We don't need 41 active nuclear missile submarines. Russia has about ten. We do not need 700 military bases all over the world – unless the plan is to subjugate the whole world.

We don't need the TSA. Remember those 5,000 nuclear weapons? ONE terrorist incident and everyone even remotely responsible eats shit. After two, there wouldn't be any more. Of course it may not matter at all. Japan is irradiating the world with OUR technology and no one can stop it. I could stop it. I could make that entire shoreline disappear. It would be no worse that Hiroshima – in fact, it wouldn't hurt anyone who isn't dying already.

I shall also have the good grace to immediately exile myself to an island somewhere after these reforms have been put into place and take nothing for myself. I don't want the job anyway, but no one else seems to be capable of doing the right thing.

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