I need to open a restaurant.

I was just walking through the other end of the house. I don't have a teevee, but there is one down that end that's sometimes on.  I walked by long enough to watch some cooking show wanker make a drink made out of some sort of liqueur and 3 oz of bacon grease.  He says they let it sit for 8 hours and pour off the grease after it has imparted a delicious bacon flavor to the alcohol.  I gotta draw the line somewhere.  Bacon grease cocktails is it, it and it.  Still, I tried it on my pal Joe.

“What's this”?

“Margarita.  A shot of Grand Marnier, a shot and a half of Gran Patron Platinum tequila and fresh lime juice.  It's about $100 for that margarita at a bar.”

Oh, in a chilled Swarovski crystal! EXCELLENT!  What's this on top”?

“Cold bacon grease. Just chip through it. It imparts a nutty fla…”


“Joe, you sound like a broken record. Try it with the escargot.”

“Where do you get escargot around here?  Isn't it expensive?”

“From the back yard. It's free. Slug escargot. You just shrivel them up with a little salt and saute' 'em in…..Joe?  Where'd ya go?”

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