Socially Unacceptable Humor
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest 'member' she had ever laid her hands on. I said, “You're pulling my leg.”
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine
until he stuck his index finger up my ass! Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband, “You're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back.” “He says, what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.”
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated
but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come
back as a cow. I said, “You're obviously not listening.”
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day.
I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have
curly hair? Apparently, the correct answer was Africa!!!
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center,
but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber
jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they
drive slowly past schools.
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his
girlfriend and her twin. I said, “How can you tell them apart?”
girlfriend and her twin. I said, “How can you tell them apart?”
He said, “Her brother's got a mustache.”
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned
it on Facebook. I said, “I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next
thing I know 4,000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip,
I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel
in my room is disabled.” To which she replied, “No, it's regular people-porn,
you sick bastard.”
The Red Cross just knocked at our door and asked if we could help
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden
hose only reaches the driveway.
